We’d all like to think we’re on the same page when it comes to cheating: It’s pretty questionable behavior — and why wouldn’t someone just end their relationship before looking for someone new?

The truth is, it’s usually more complicated than that. In two new BuzzFeed videos, men and women reveal how they feel about cheating and discuss whether they’ve ever been the cheater, the cheated or the “other” man or woman.

“It’s probably the meanest, evilest thing you can do,” one woman says in the clip above, before admitting that she’s strayed while on a break with a boyfriend. “In my situation, cheating was like getting back at the person, versus me taking the high road and being the better person,” she says. “It’s a horrible feeling. It makes you feel sick.”

The clip featuring men below is just as revealing. “I think one of the things I’m most proud of is that I’ve never cheated on anyone,” one man says. Later on, the same guy admits he does have some experience being “the other man” from his younger days: “Don’t ever get yourself into a situation where you’re potentially dealing with somebody’s angry husband. Not recommended.”

Good advice, buddy.

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