“This Is Divorce At…” is a HuffPost Divorce series delving into divorce at every stage of life. Want to share your experience of divorcing at a certain age? Email us at divorce@huffingtonpost.com.

Kelly Aylesworth is the vice president of a commercial landscaping business and lives with her five-year old son, two dogs and three cats in Houston, Texas. 

You may have noticed that no boyfriend or husband was mentioned in that description of her happy home life — her friends certainly have — but Aylesworth doesn’t pay it any mind. 

“I spend a lot of time reassuring people that I haven’t lost my marbles in choosing to stay single,” the divorced mom told The Huffington Post recently. “My marriage lasted 10 years. I’m just taking some much needed time for myself now.” 

“Somewhere between my divorce and now, I must have missed the memo that said you need to start seeing people and make up for lost time in the dating world. Why are people so concerned with when I’ll jump back into the dating scene?  

I had lunch with a friend recently and our conversation illustrates my experience perfectly: I spent most of the time reassuring her that I’m OK and have no desire to “just get out there.” I left the lunch thinking “what is wrong with me?” Two days later, I came to the realization that I’m a lot healthier on my own. 

Let me explain: I read online recently that recovering from a divorce is similar to recovering from open heart surgery. Similar to surgery, my heart has been torn open. I’m grieving my ex — someone I still see when I drop our son off for visitation. I’ve been fully exposed and I’m in the process of finding out who I am.  I’m learning new things about myself everyday. (Who knew I like tomatoes and onions in my scrambled eggs!) 

If I were in my twenties — who knows — things might be different. But I am a 38-year-old divorced parent who is working on balancing parenting and a career and learning to live life on my own again. I’m good.

No, I’m not jumping at the chance to date or walk down the aisle again. No, I will not give my number to the random man sitting next to me at Starbucks who keeps staring (you’re kind of freaking me out, buddy).

Saying “no” to marriage and relationships doesn’t mean that I’m cynical. I still believe in the sacredness of marriage and all that comes with it. But I realize now I need to love myself first. If you’re reading this and feel similarly, don’t let other people persuade you to date when you’re not ready. Know that spending time by yourself is healthy. It’s a stage in learning to love yourself again.

Two days after lunch with my friend, I felt better equipped to respond to the sad, compassionate looks I get from well-meaning people when I say that I am not dating yet. I can say with confidence that I’m on a journey of self-discovery. And some day when I least expect it, I’ll find someone I can love with all of my mended heart.” 

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