Lindsey Ellison first experienced sexual incompatibility with the man who would become her husband when she was in her mid-20s. After a largely sexless 17-year marriage, she decided to end the relationship, and now she’s in a sexually satisfying union with her husband of over a year.

Ellison, who works as a divorce coach, shared her story with HuffPost Live’s Nancy Redd on Tuesday. After struggling with intimacy, Ellison thought there could be something “hormonally wrong” with her. When a doctor found no physical problem, Ellison realized the trouble was coming from a handful of issues within her relationship.

“The sex part of it was just really an ingredient to a much larger recipe,” she said.

When she hit her mid-30s, Ellison gave herself permission to seek sexual fulfillment and decided to leave her “incredibly lonely” marriage. The key to finding the happiness she has now, Ellison said, was being up-front with her new partner from the get-go.

“When I met my [new] husband, I almost feel as though it was the second date [when] I said, ‘Hey, FYI, these are my requirements and this is my parameter, and I refuse to have a sexless marriage,'” she remembered. “I probably gave him the amount of days I expected [to have sex] because I just didn’t want to go back to that place.”

Ellison closed by offering some words of advice to other women who are newly out of a relationship:

It’s one thing if [newly single women] just — let me put it bluntly — if they just want to get laid. Go for it. I say use protection and just manage your expectations and his… If you’re coming out of a relationship where you’re feeling wounded or vulnerable, my advice is to get your love mojo back on for yourself. Worry about sex, do things by yourself, go to a sex toy store, do what you need to do, and really protect yourself because you can get hurt and get sucked back into another unhealthy relationship if you don’t really know what you’re doing. 

Watch Lindsey Ellison share her story in the video above, and click here for the full HuffPost Live conversation about sexless marriages.   

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