It’s easy to overlook your partner’s flaws when you’re in a new relationship. You’re in that heady, honeymoon phase and any behavior or character flaw that should send up red flags are all too often ignored.

It’s not until after the relationship is over that you can pinpoint all the things that were so, so wrong about your relationship and your ex. On Wednesday, Redditors shared the one red flag they didn’t see until it was too late. Read 16 of the most surprising below:

1. “We never went over to her apartment to hang out — we always went to mine. Turns out, she was still married…”

2. “She said: ‘Let’s downgrade from a relationship. But still higher than a friendship!'”

3. “No Bible study group meeting goes on till 11:30 p.m. I should have known better.”

4. “During my first fight with my last girlfriend, the very first thing she did was grab a bottle of Jack Daniel’s and start drinking out of it to enhance the fight. I should have seen that one coming.”

5. “The clinginess. Pretty much all he wanted to do all the time was cuddle (in bed, watching a TV show, etc). If I said I wanted a break just to chill out to surf the Internet for an hour he got upset because he didn’t know how I could ‘just ignore’ someone who loved me and wanted to be with me. I found that weird. In my mind, chilling out and doing different things in the same room implies you’re together.”

6. “I caught her texting her ex ‘I love you.’ Brushed it off. I caught her doing it again. Brushed it off. I noticed she wouldn’t post anything related to me on any social network (which normally I wouldn’t give a shit about but she LIVED on Instagram and Twitter. Her leaving me out was a sign something was wrong). Ignored it. I made a three course meal for Valentine’s Day, candlelight and all that crap and tried to put one picture up on Facebook. She immediately told me to take it down. It was the last straw when she had her ex at her graduation ceremony and he stayed at a freaking condo with her and her mom.”

7. “I should have known when he refused to acknowledge me as his girlfriend in public.”

8. “The first red flag? When she said, ‘What are you doing tonight? Why haven’t you called me yet?’ We had just seen a movie and had lunch together…”

9. “He told me, ‘If you get fat, you’re dumped.’ I married him years later and he was a manipulative jerk. Surprise!”

10. “She cheated on her boyfriend with me. Of course that wouldn’t happen again, right? Wrong.”

11. “She still talked to her ex-boyfriend constantly. On Twitter, Facebook, texting, everything. Normally, I don’t have a problem with this but she literally spent all day talking to him. I didn’t think it was an issue… until she left me to get back with him.”

12. “He was afraid of ‘labels’ like boyfriend and girlfriend. And near the end, he started making excuses not to see me. The last week, I told him I was going to come over and I missed him and would buy us tickets to Comic Con. He then ‘fesses up over instant messenger that he met a girl the week previously and that he now had a girlfriend.”

13. “We never had sex. I made myself believe it was a phase. It wasn’t, it was the end.”

14. “My then-girlfriend-now-soon-to-be-ex-wife is exceptionally tight with her family, to a point where she considers their constant insulting and abusive behavior to be the way a normal family operates. I married her thinking that her experience with a tight family unit — something I’d never had — would be a benefit to us. As it turned out, she remained exceptionally tight with her family, allowing them to rip the ever loving crap out of our family and our relationship. She still thinks this is normal.”

15. “Her friends were terrible people. I always figured she was a better person than them, until she cheated on me.”

16. “He was always ranting about his exes and making them all out to be completely crazy. Dude was a few sandwiches short of a picnic himself.”

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